Whenever I talk about ancient Greek sculpture, there is always one question that everyone always asks me. It is not “How did the style of Hellenistic sculptures differ from the style of earlier Classical sculptures?” Nor is it “Can you tell me more about how ancient Greek sculptures were originally painted?” No, of course, not. The question everyone always asks me is “Why do they all have such tiny penises?” I have been asked this question so many times that I feel compelled to answer it.
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King Midas Was Actually a Real Person
We have no evidence whatsoever for the existence of the vast majority of figures that appear in classical mythology. For instance, we have no evidence for the existence of Perseus, Herakles, Theseus, Achilleus, or Odysseus. Nonetheless, there is at least one major figure from classical mythology who was definitely a real person: King Midas.
No, really. I am not kidding. Believe it or not, King Midas—the king who, according to legend, was so greedy and foolish that he wished for everything he touched to turn to gold—was actually a historical king of the ancient kingdom of Phrygia who ruled in the late eighth century BC.
We know Midas was a real king because he is mentioned in contemporary Assyrian records as having attacked King Sargon II of Assyria and there are surviving inscriptions from his reign. Nonetheless, even though King Midas was a real person, the famous story of the golden touch is undoubtedly ahistorical.
Continue reading “King Midas Was Actually a Real Person”Heinrich Schliemann Debunked
Anyone who has studied archaeology has heard of Heinrich Schliemann. He is popularly acclaimed as the bold, talented, German-American amateur archaeologist who discovered the lost city of Troy at Hisarlık in what is now northwest Turkey. In truth, this image is largely a fabrication of Schliemann’s own making. The real Heinrich Schliemann was a lying, cheating, grifting, thieving charlatan and overall scumbag who only became famous because he was extremely rich and highly skilled in the art of lying to make himself seem more impressive than he really was.
Even though Schliemann is popularly credited as the “discoverer” of Troy, he was not the first person to identify Hisarlık as Troy. He was not even the first person to excavate there. Furthermore, his attempts to excavate the ruins of Troy were so hopelessly incompetent that he ended up actually destroying most of the ancient site.
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