Those who have been reading my blog for a while are probably aware that I did three interviews last year for Nick Barksdale’s YouTube channel The Study of Antiquity and the Middle Ages. At the time Nick and I recorded my last interview with him for his channel in late July 2021, he was only thirty years old and he seemed completely healthy. Then, on 4 August, he suddenly fell gravely ill with what turned out to be a septic heart infection. He has been in and out of emergency care for nearly the past year. Sadly, on 2 June 2022, Nick passed away. His wife and two very young daughters, one of whom was born in the past year while he was in the hospital fighting for his own life, survive.
In my experience of him, Nick was an extraordinarily caring, generous, and charismatic person. I share some personal stories about my experiences with him and his kindness below, but, more urgently, there is a GoFundMe page to raise money to help support Nick’s surviving family in this trying time. If you are able, please consider donating money to support Nick’s family, who will (I presume) need to pay his medical and funeral costs and somehow support themselves in the meantime. I’ve already donated $125 of my own money, but I’m sure that any amount you can donate will help, even if it is just a few dollars.
A little bit about my personal experience with Nick
Nick was extraordinarily passionate about sharing his love for premodern history with the general public, but, unlike most history YouTubers, he was firmly committed to giving qualified experts a platform. Moreover, as Dr. Rebecca Futo Kennedy, who recorded many interviews with Nick for his channel, points out in this Twitter thread, he was well aware that much of his audience tended to be young, conservative, white men. He was committed to using his platform to reach out to them, encourage them to question their preexisting assumptions about the world, and be more accepting of people who are different from themselves.
As some of my readers may already be aware or have already guessed, and as I am planning to more formally come out in a future post, I am a transgender woman. Nick and I recorded our first interview for his channel back in March 2021. At the time, the only person I had come out to was my cousin. Somehow, Nick must have detected something in my gender presentation, because he respectfully introduced me in that very first interview using they/them rather than he/him pronouns, without me ever asking him to. I told him that I was a trans woman before we recorded the second interview. He was wonderfully accepting and sympathetic and promised not to tell anyone without my permission.
Nick was wanting to do more interviews with me in the future. After my second interview with him, he noticed that the laptop camera I was using was of low video quality, so he said he was going to send me an old higher-quality camera he had for free. When my Dad found out about this, he insisted on buying a better camera for me brand new himself because he’s a bit of a control freak and he wanted to make sure that I got the best camera.
When I told Nick that my Dad had already ordered me a new camera and that there was no point in him sending me his old one, he insisted on sending me a hundred dollars as a gift to thank me for doing the interviews with him anyway. This is part of why I donated $125 to his GoFundMe while he was still struggling for his life—$100 to return him the money he gave to me, plus an additional $25 as a donation.
He was truly a wonderful human being and a pillar of the online ancient history community. He will be sorely missed.
I am saddened by Nick’s passing. While I only discovered his channel a few months ago, I quickly realised that it was unlike most YouTube history channels and genuinely appealed to my thirst for in-depth, professional takes on ancient and medieval history. I was also made aware on one of the channel’s videos that Nick was struggling with his health, but I held out hope that his condition would improve and that healthcare expenses would be the worst part of this episode. This sudden turn for the worse is depressing.
Next week, I will ask my parents if they can give me some money to buy myself a new pair of headphones. I intend to use that money to make a donation to Nick’s family. It is not going to be a significant donation, but I want to do my part, too. It is the least I can in return for the high-quality content accessible on his YouTube channel.
I was really expecting him to get better too. Sadly, as the months drew on and his wife Morgan kept making new updates on the GoFundMe page about the problems he was facing and his multiple relapses, I started to grow worried that this would happen. It’s a real tragedy. As I mentioned, Nick and I were planning to do many more interviews together, but, obviously, that’s not going to happen.
I made this post mainly to encourage those who have money to spare to consider donating to help Nick’s family. If you don’t have money, you don’t have to give anything, or you can just give a little. The GoFundMe has already raised over a hundred thousand dollars, although I imagine that that is still only a fraction of what this devastating loss has already cost Nick’s family.
Sorry for your loss. Also, congratulations *Nic*-Daniels!
I wouldn’t say that it’s my loss. I certainly knew Nick and his death is certainly painful for me, but I never really got to know him very closely. I’m sure his family members are suffering this loss much more heavily than I am.
Your attempted pun is in poor taste in this context.
Have you decided on what name you will use after transitioning?
I’ve actually already been transitioning for over a year now and I’m pretty far along. This is just the first time I’ve openly said that I am a trans woman on this blog. I’m keeping the name Spencer. As I will explain further in my future coming-out post, I’m very attached to the name. I also looked up the data for the name Spencer from the Social Security Administrator of United States and found that, in 1999, the year I was born, only 2.7% of all infants given the name Spencer in the United States were assigned female at birth, but that percentage has risen steeply over the past two decades. In 2019, fully 19% of all infants given the name Spencer in the United States were assigned female at birth. I figure that, if one fifth of all infants being named Spencer nowadays are assigned female at birth, then it must be acceptable as a female name.
Jeez, that’s tragic. I think I’ve only seen a video or two by Study of Antiquity and the Middle Ages, but what I saw were pretty well made and well reached by the sounds of it. Sadly, I’m not in best finically to donate any cash, otherwise I would be more than happy two.
If there’s anything we can learn from this, it’s that death can come when you least suspect it. So enjoy today as if it’s the last one, for it could be for all you know.
Yes, it is very tragic.
I try to remind myself every day that I could die at any moment, but, at the same time, I try not to dwell on it, since I realize that I shouldn’t let the prospect of dying get in the way of me living my life while I still have the time. I am incredibly thankful for the time I have and the time I have with those I love in particular.